Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
