Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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