I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
