Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
