someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
