Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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