were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
