and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
