I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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