You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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