Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
