He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
