JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
