I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize