Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
