I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
