I need to stop coming to work sober
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's just like the Real World with babies
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
