Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Houston, we have a squirter
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
