they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
