If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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