not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
