Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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