Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have aggressive nipples.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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