Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
