I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
