Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
