In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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