She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
