hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
