I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
