why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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