I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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