If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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