three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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