but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
