it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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