last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
