All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
