It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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