If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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