I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
