My hand turned me down
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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