Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
