I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
