so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
