Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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