I like to think it a success when the cops are called
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
high people should be assigned attendants
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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