Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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