It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
