I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
