Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
