ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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