You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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