i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
