she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
