what day is it and did you see me today?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
