are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
