This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
