I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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