Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so much tequila, so little girl.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
