Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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